The diary of a hapless halfling

The Diary of a Hapless Halfling

The Evacuation of Blackwall

I never cared who would turn up that night, as long as they were cheap, asked no questions and able to leave on the hour before the guards forced me to face my fate. This city seems to be on the brink of revolution and anyone and everyone seems to have a need to leave this place, for good. This will do me nicely. Taverns were full of drunks, low lives and would be warriors willing to wield a sword for a low price. All I need to do is hand out job application posters, call for aid and they will be queuing at me feet. Hundreds of men willing to take the blade of a sword for me just for the fee of a few gold coins. This did not go exactly to plan; for one reason half the bloody applicant’s mistook me for a child. Grunak made them regret looking down on me, “where’s your daddy little guy” Bah, WHOSE THE LITTLE GUY NOW?… I mean metaphorically…

Anyhow, after they knew my terms and conditions the herd of applicants for the guarding job seemed to belittle my stature as an honest merchant and leave chuckling and grumbling into the night. Only four bloody cretins seemed to be dumb enough to accept the slave wage of a contract I gave them. Out of the rabble of the Lonely Suitor Lodge only two men seemed to emerge. Drenches Tint a slender young man with the eyes of a man who has more troubles to face than time to face them, and Earl Tangsgym a rusty commoner of a man who I wouldn’t trust to linger too long near my drinks cabinet. Grunak took a liking to Earl, he sore something there where I only sore a hobo in chain mail. But I suppose half orcs will be half orcs and will also like to sleep in mud and eat puppies… NOTE: never say that to him or he might sit on my face again.

While Drenches, the highly academic of the two, was discussing the job contract with precision and detail that made a fool of my business skills, there was a loud crash coming from the shadows. We all jumped on edge as I bravely hid behind Grunak. Tensions rose as we all feared the worst, the guards found us and my time was up. However our worries and my freshly damp trousers were for nothing as we discovered a dainty female figure tiptoeing with the grace of an elephant through the shadows like a silhouette in a shadow puppet theatre. If subtlety was her middle name then mine was Baron Gorefury the Mighty giant of Ogungyil. She claimed to be here for the job attempting to give off an aura of menace but mostly giving me a look as if she passed wind. Pathetic, however when I inquired anything about her, she only gave me her name at the blade of a knife. Cinder Thents, what a stupid name what is she? A stuttering tent fire?… NOTE: Tell Grunak that Joke it’s hilarious.

So there we were Me, Grunak and the only three people desperate enough to turn up, On time! However time was pressing me and those massive debts to the city would not pay themselves… unfortunately. So that would have to do, we packed up and began to set off. As the Caravan travelled down the street away from the Lonely Suitor Lodge, running towards us was a man in a tunic holding a holy book and wielding a mace. He shouted “Stop!” and naturally we all sped up. After he eventually shouted that he was here for the guard job we slowed down and let him join. So with all of us equipped and ready to head off we said are goodbyes (and good riddance) to Blackwall, the city that never sleeps peacefully, and began our travels to Melford and a chance to start a new life over again. There I was, Alton Greyfoot the Halfling son of a gnome once again running away from my problems, with a grumpy half orc, a drunk fighter, a pompous academic, the world’s most pathetic pickpocket and a tardy cleric. I still find it hard to believe we survived the night let alone that pack of rabid wolves that nearly ransacked the whole caravan. Next time I am gonna take the ferry and take my chances with the squid monsters.

The diary of a hapless halfling

The Melford Four samngliv samngliv